Split Personalities??

So far as you have read, my blog has been filled mostly with the hope and happy contentedness associated with my being a mummy and a wife.

I also said that I’d be writing the truth about my life.

I have not been wearing rose tinted glasses when writing my previous blogs, I honestly love being a mum and a wife with such a passion that I can’t describe adequately with any words that I have and sometimes I really do believe that that is the sole purpose  I was put here on earth, to be Eli and Fyn’s mum and to be Nic’s wife.

Along with all these wonderful feelings however are the times when I wonder where I have gone.

In case I am not making sense I’m not crazy I know WHERE I am , I just find myself wondering at the times Im busy being Eli’s mum and Jamee with a bump and Mrs Nic Jarrett where oh where did Jamee Saunders go?

The Jamee Saunders that used to party until the wee hours of the morning in the highest of heels and the most scandalously short dresses flirting so outrageously, in all probability looking like the biggest harlot in town.

Gone (at least for the next few years) is my ability to leave the house without finding that somewhere on my supposedly clean outfit is another hidden Eli grot stain.

I am soon to wear that somewhat familiar baby spew perfume that all mothers of newborns identify with.

I am no longer guaranteed a nice long hot shower alone and God forbid I think I can use the toilet unaccompanied by a small body!

I used to spend hours in the morning perfecting my hair and makeup, choosing cute sexy outfits fir day to day wear.

I drank like a veteran and nursed hangovers daily. After these episodes of wondering who I am and what I’m doing I realise that even though I’m bound to plans and that spontaneity no longer has a comfortable part in mummy Jamee’s life, that my life may not be action packed with exciting new outfits and parties and faces that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Even though somedays are more a struggle than others, and I find it hard to cope with tiredness, housework , with my husband or Elis whinging or the fact that this far along in my pregnancy I could pretty much live on the toilet I know deep down that my life IS fabulous, I am blessed and have such an enriched life now that it ISN’T all about ME

Instead of waking up to a different face each morning and awkwardly trying to remember names, I wake up to the familiar much loved face of my husband. I wake up to the cheeky grin of my ratbag Eli bug and the kicking of my unborn child.

I may not be spontaneous or trendy anymore but there’s still a rebellious side in there somewhere and I know that the Jamee Saunders I used to be does still exist but she’s stood aside a little, she’s improved a little and learns a lot more each and every day on how to be a better person.

I am not the same person I once was but I love the person I am now.

I am a mother and a wife and a young woman. I’m juggling so many different identities and I’m proud of myself!

Never in a million years if you had told me when I was growing up that there would be light at the end of the tunnel and that I would be so happy would I have believed you.

But I can now honestly say even though I still carry an insie black cloud of memories above my head that I’m still learning to clear that I am proud of myself

And very

Very happy